Surrender.

My yoga mat.
My space heater.
My living room.
My yoga practice.
My sweat.
My tears.
My brokenness.
My struggles and burdens.
My surrender to:
Love, strength, grace, mercy
And complete healing with time.



What does your practice do for you? Do you let yourself surrender to it completely, or are you still grasping and holding onto the things that need to be let go in order to set you free?

Om shanti,
Z

Today.

I don't have any children of my own.  But I do have 12 beautiful, wonderful preschoolers that I get to spend my mornings with.  Today's events have been utterly heartbreaking.  I just keep thinking about how little and beautiful these children were.  The loss of any life is always hard, but when it's a child it's so much harder because you mourn what little of life they had, and the long life and dreams they'll never see.

And I hate how so many people used today's events to argue about gun control laws in our country.  Yes, something needs to be done, but arguing over it on Facebook and Twitter right after the news broke was inappropriate.  Well, I thought it was inappropriate at least.

We send so much hate to each other too often.  Where's the love?  Where's the support, especially after such a tragic event?  Can't we just have today to mourn the loss of children who no longer have a future and those adults who tried to protect them?  Just one day of focusing on what matters - friends, family, life, - instead of being at each other's throats trying to prove our points?

I'm thankful that I got to spend my morning surrounded by twelve  4-year olds.  I'm thankful that I got to hear them laugh and read them stories and hold their hands.

Sandy Hook, you are in my prayers and in my heart.

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." - Mother Teresa

Note to Self.

Dear Self,

When you get that sad feeling, like you could cry at any second, you're really just tired.  Or getting sick.  Trust me on this one.

You should unplug more often.  Let "relaxing on the couch" be just that...not "sitting on the couch while working and emailing and sequencing yoga classes and lesson planning".  Your mind needs rest just as much as your body does.

Think before you speak - not just about what you say but how you say it - because despite your intentions sometimes your tone sounds really, well...snobby.

It's okay that you run out of steam - both physically and mentally - more quickly than others.  Being fragile is not a weakness, but not listening to your body is.

Working hard is important, but depending on God is more important. All the work in the world doesn't even come close to His ability to give you what you truly need.

Everything will work out.  It almost always does.  And if it doesn't?  Who cares.

Always remember to completely unplug the straightening iron before leaving the house because if you don't you'll spend all day wondering if you left it on.

It's okay that you're so close to your family.  It's not weird.  It's a gift.  Cherish it.

You need to start washing your jeans more.  It's pretty gross that you rarely do.

Watch more good movies.  It's good for you.

Love,
Z

Let Go.

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold.
The holding of plans or dreams or expectations.
Let it all go.
Save your strength to swim with the tide.
The choice to fight what is here before you now
Will only result in struggle, fear
And desperate attempts to flea
From the very energy you long for.
Let it go.
Let it all go.
Flow with the grace that washed through your days
Whether you received it gently
Or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith:
The mind may never find the explanations that it seeks
But you will move forward nonetheless.
Let go
And the waves crest will carry you
To unknown shores
Beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.
Let it all go,
And find the place
Of rest, and peace, and certain transformation.


Be thankful today and always.

Happy Thanksgiving, yogis.

Om Shanti,
Z

Things I've Learned In the Last Week:

• Bad things really do come in 3's. It sucks.
• Even though I feel pretty defeated right now, I know that God won't give me anything that I can't handle.
• You have to learn to leave toxic people and environments behind you and not think twice about it.  Let go.
• Anger does not suit me well.
• It does, however, suit me well to be a kind and nice person to everyone, even (or should I say, especially) when they least deserve it.
• People and situations can really suck sometimes, but you have to keep on keepin' on and try not to lose your faith in humanity.
• Never, ever own a Nissan again. Ever.
• The people who step up and support you when you feel like you've hit rock bottom may really surprise.
• No matter how sh*tty life seems, things could always be worse.  Be appreciative for what you do have, and know that there is always something to be thankful for.

Om Shanti,
Z

If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial.
If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked.
If you want to become full, let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn, let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything, give everything up.

Learning this, slowly but surely.

Current yoga class schedule is "under construction".  Stay tuned and thanks for your patience, support, and loving kindness.

Om Shanti,
Z

Don't judge a book by its cover, or a type of yoga by its teacher.

Often times, we are quick to judge.  Judge others, judge things, judge experiences.  We look at it, find something we don't like about it, and never really give it a shot.
I did this with Kundalini Yoga.  Before this weekend, I had taken exactly one Kundalini class in my lifetime, and I had determined that I hated it and it just wasn't for me.
Allow me to expand on my reasoning:
The one class I took was back last December whilst in the midst of Yoga Teacher Training.  I was perpetually exhausted. My body was tired. My mind even more tired.  The day we took our Kundalini class was a particularly rough day.  We had done Bikram the night before (hello 105* room and dehydration), and I'd had to "sleep" in the Yoga Barn the night before (i.e., very little sleeping, and a whole lot of tossing and turning).  We woke up and set up our mats as usual, ready for Kundalini.  In walks a lythe, egostic, and stuck up looking woman, with a turban over her hair, and an air of extreme arrogance about her.  Here I go with the judging again. Oy. Anyways, she set up her things, and proceeded to tell us about Kundalini Yoga and teach us a couple of kriyas (sequences in "normal" yoga terms).  She kept saying things about waking up the Kundalini at the base of our spines and not letting it escape from our third eye.  I was not amused or entertained. I was annoyed and angry and grouchy and tired.  After this terrible 3 hour experience, I felt sick and even more dehydrated and just overall BLAH.  I vowed that Kundalini Yoga was not for me, and that I would just leave it be.
Fast forward to 2 weekends ago.  My mom sent me a link to a local studio that was hosting a master class on "Healing your gut for the Holidays".  I was intrigued.  And then I saw those 2 daunting words.."Kundalini Yoga".  Oh boy, I thought, here we go.
After some thinking, I decided to do it.  I needed Continuing Education Credits anyways to keep up with my Yoga Alliance requirements, and it came at a reasonable price.  So I signed up and said "Jesus take the wheel".
Well, last Saturday I woke up a little too bright and early and not too stoked for this master class.  I had gone to a Halloween party the night before and was exhausted and not well rested. "Here we go again", I thought.
I walked into this new-to-me studio and immediately felt my negative thoughts go away.  It was a beautiful space and the people there were so warm and welcoming.  The teacher came in.  There was no arrogance or ego about her.  Only a warm, kind smile that immediately put me at ease.
She told us about herself and about Kundalini yoga (and made it sound a lot less kooky than I remembered) and began teaching us kriyas, chants, and meditations.
Let me say this, it is very rare for me to have an "emotional" reaction during my yoga practice.  I hear stories from or see fellow yogi friends having an emotional cleansing during their practices, such as crying during half-pigeon or savasana, or laughing joyously in upward bow, and I so rarely have this kind of reaction.  I always envied this in some ways, to feel so open and free during your practice that you can't help but cry or laugh.  Things have been a bit tense in certain aspects of my life lately, and I know I've been holding onto a lot of anger and resentment.  During a couple of the kriyas, I could feel myself tear up.  At one point we held Downward Facing Dog for 5 minutes, and she lovingly explained to us that holding this pose for longer than 2 minutes is a great way to release anger.  As I was holding it, arms shaking, shoulders aching, sweat dripping, I began to feel my heart clinch and get tight, and I all of a sudden felt a nice feeling of release and letting go.  I let go of some of my anger.  After another kriya, my entire body was shaking uncontrollably.  It was an incredible feeling, and one that I rarely get to experience.
I did leave feeling like I had been "wrung out", but that was a good feeling.  Clearly my body needed this practice, to release some of the toxicity I had been holding onto.  So I let it go. And I left feeling so much more open.
I have a whole new respect and appreciation for Kundalini Yoga.  In fact, I am ordering a book with different kriyas for different ailments/areas/healing/etc, and I plan on setting aside time each and every day to practice it and to meditate.  My body is clearly telling me I need to let go of some major sh*t.  So that's what I'm trying to do.
Had I not gone to this master class this weekend, I would have probably spent my whole life thinking Kundalini Yoga was some weird practice for crazies who are arrogant, because that's the impression I got from that first Kundalini class last December and from that teacher.
So please, if you go to a yoga class and don't quite connect with the teacher, don't give up, don't judge yoga as a whole.  Look around, explore different teachers and different studios and styles of yoga, and you just may find that yoga can heal you in ways you couldn't imagine.
Om Shanti,
Z