Often times, we are quick to judge. Judge others, judge things, judge experiences. We look at it, find something we don't like about it, and never really give it a shot.
I did this with Kundalini Yoga. Before this weekend, I had taken exactly one Kundalini class in my lifetime, and I had determined that I hated it and it just wasn't for me.
Allow me to expand on my reasoning:
The one class I took was back last December whilst in the midst of Yoga Teacher Training. I was perpetually exhausted. My body was tired. My mind even more tired. The day we took our Kundalini class was a particularly rough day. We had done Bikram the night before (hello 105* room and dehydration), and I'd had to "sleep" in the Yoga Barn the night before (i.e., very little sleeping, and a whole lot of tossing and turning). We woke up and set up our mats as usual, ready for Kundalini. In walks a lythe, egostic, and stuck up looking woman, with a turban over her hair, and an air of extreme arrogance about her. Here I go with the judging again. Oy. Anyways, she set up her things, and proceeded to tell us about Kundalini Yoga and teach us a couple of kriyas (sequences in "normal" yoga terms). She kept saying things about waking up the Kundalini at the base of our spines and not letting it escape from our third eye. I was not amused or entertained. I was annoyed and angry and grouchy and tired. After this terrible 3 hour experience, I felt sick and even more dehydrated and just overall BLAH. I vowed that Kundalini Yoga was not for me, and that I would just leave it be.
Fast forward to 2 weekends ago. My mom sent me a link to a local studio that was hosting a master class on "Healing your gut for the Holidays". I was intrigued. And then I saw those 2 daunting words.."Kundalini Yoga". Oh boy, I thought, here we go.
After some thinking, I decided to do it. I needed Continuing Education Credits anyways to keep up with my Yoga Alliance requirements, and it came at a reasonable price. So I signed up and said "Jesus take the wheel".
Well, last Saturday I woke up a little too bright and early and not too stoked for this master class. I had gone to a Halloween party the night before and was exhausted and not well rested. "Here we go again", I thought.
I walked into this new-to-me studio and immediately felt my negative thoughts go away. It was a beautiful space and the people there were so warm and welcoming. The teacher came in. There was no arrogance or ego about her. Only a warm, kind smile that immediately put me at ease.
She told us about herself and about Kundalini yoga (and made it sound a lot less kooky than I remembered) and began teaching us kriyas, chants, and meditations.
Let me say this, it is very rare for me to have an "emotional" reaction during my yoga practice. I hear stories from or see fellow yogi friends having an emotional cleansing during their practices, such as crying during half-pigeon or savasana, or laughing joyously in upward bow, and I so rarely have this kind of reaction. I always envied this in some ways, to feel so open and free during your practice that you can't help but cry or laugh. Things have been a bit tense in certain aspects of my life lately, and I know I've been holding onto a lot of anger and resentment. During a couple of the kriyas, I could feel myself tear up. At one point we held Downward Facing Dog for 5 minutes, and she lovingly explained to us that holding this pose for longer than 2 minutes is a great way to release anger. As I was holding it, arms shaking, shoulders aching, sweat dripping, I began to feel my heart clinch and get tight, and I all of a sudden felt a nice feeling of release and letting go. I let go of some of my anger. After another kriya, my entire body was shaking uncontrollably. It was an incredible feeling, and one that I rarely get to experience.
I did leave feeling like I had been "wrung out", but that was a good feeling. Clearly my body needed this practice, to release some of the toxicity I had been holding onto. So I let it go. And I left feeling so much more open.
I have a whole new respect and appreciation for Kundalini Yoga. In fact, I am ordering a book with different kriyas for different ailments/areas/healing/etc, and I plan on setting aside time each and every day to practice it and to meditate. My body is clearly telling me I need to let go of some major sh*t. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Had I not gone to this master class this weekend, I would have probably spent my whole life thinking Kundalini Yoga was some weird practice for crazies who are arrogant, because that's the impression I got from that first Kundalini class last December and from that teacher.
So please, if you go to a yoga class and don't quite connect with the teacher, don't give up, don't judge yoga as a whole. Look around, explore different teachers and different studios and styles of yoga, and you just may find that yoga can heal you in ways you couldn't imagine.
Om Shanti,
Z
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